Online Host: Welcome! We are glad you've joined us tonight for what should be a very special hour for kids and parents. As much as parents don't want to admit it, there is nothing new about teens having sex. What is new and very frightening is the alarming rate that pregnancy, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are spreading among our children. Knowledge is the best defense.
Unfortunately, kids get too much misinformation today. Schools are afraid to educate, and oftentimes parents don't know how to approach the topic. Let's break down those walls tonight. We are joined by Jeanne Blake who has talked with 1000's of teens across the country about the dangers of unprotected sex, and produced an educational video "Teens and AIDS: In Our Own Words."
She is also author of the book "Risky Times: How to be AIDS-Smart and Stay Healthy." How can you persuade kids to always be careful? By talking to them. By giving them the proper information. By becoming more "askable." Jeanne Blake wants to help teens make smart, safe choices about sex. We are so glad that you care enough to be here. Send your questions now! We welcome Jeanne Blake!
Question: How can one begin to bring up the issue of having unprotected sex without getting graphic?
Onhealth: Hi! I am happy to be with you tonight and welcome your questions and your thoughts. I will be able to learn from you.....Young people, very young children are aware of what sex is, they see it on television, they hear about it, it really does inundate our world. So, when wanting to talk about protecting themselves during sexual intercourse, I would simply talk about it in terms that are factual and clear -- make my point and then ask the child whether they have questions or concerns. You will have another opportunity to talk about it if you look for the opportunity!
Question: My husband is a Pediatrician and I am a Social Worker in the inner-city. Teens are constantly telling us how "un-cool" protected sex is. How can we get through to these teens, who feel helpless and hopeless as it is?
Onhealth: That's a very good point. Young people, particularly in the inner city, face such challenges. I would ask them how cool they think it is to have to tell you mother or father or best friend that you have contracted HIV. Oprah did such a terrific program about this in early April -- she took young people into the hospital and into homes of people with HIV. When young people are faced with the reality, then they understand, even if just for the moment!
Question: How do you integrate info about AIDS and good morals?
Onhealth: It's important, if you are a parent, to let your child know what you think about the issue--and what your morals are. It is important to not be judgmental in your tone--or they won't want to approach you....but remember to be factual and loving and honest. That's a start!
Question: Is it easier for women to get aids through straight sex than it is for men?
Onhealth: Research shows that it is easier for women to get HIV through heterosexual intercourse than it is for a man to get HIV through heterosexual intercourse. But men can, do and have contracted HIV from
heterosexual intercourse. If you are a male -- looking for an excuse to not protect yourself, I am sorry, I won't offer it to you.
Question: What's the best way to encourage abstinence?
Onhealth: That is a good questions because none of us want our children to be sexually active -- most parents don't want their children to be sexually active. I have found from the research and from talking with parents and with young people that comprehensive sexuality education, open communication with parents and a child having hope for a bright future are among the best ways to delay sexual activity. That's a simple answer to a complicated issue! Ask more if you'd like me to further address what I have found!
Question: Where is the video available?
Onhealth: Thank you for asking. The video, "In Our Own Words: Teens and AIDS" is a 20 minute educational film available with a complete Educator's Discussion Guide. It is available through Media Works, P.O. Box 15597, Kenmore Station, Boston, MA 02215. Cost is $99 + $5 shipping and handling.
Question: How can I begin the dialogue of the risks of having unprotected sex?
Onhealth: I would like to answer that question but it really depends on the age of the child. You can find opportunities in every day life -- a television program, a newspaper article, something that happens to a friend of the family. They are all opportunities to raise the issue. Please, though, try to not discuss it in a way that will frighten your child. That's tough, I know. But you can remind your child that they can control whether they contract HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases by making healthy decisions and then acting on them.
Question: At what age is a good time to bring up the subject of sex?
Onhealth: Parents are the primary sexuality educators of their children. Whether you realize it or not, we are giving our children messages about sex from the time they are very, very young. You won't want to wait until they ask questions --once again, look for the opportunities to talk about the subject in a calm way -- giving them information and then asking them if they have questions or concerns. As a parent, you are in the best position to know what would be appropriate for your child...but remember don't wait until they ask to initiate a dialogue. If you start offering a little information early on, you will be in a better position with your child to tackle the bigger issues as they come along!
Question: My kids are only 6 and 3. Is it to young to start instilling ideas in their minds now, that will help them as teenagers?
Onhealth: You are already instilling thoughts and ideas and values that will help them as teens. This is when you are building an important foundation for communication. Children need respect, to know they are cared for, to know they can ask any question without being kidded or not taken seriously....that all helps build a firm foundation for communication!
Question: Is oral sex risky?
Onhealth: I have read that a few cases of HIV transmission through oral sex -- however researchers don't know risky it is. There are ways of being safer -- by using a condom or a dental dam for oral sex.
Question: I had my daughter when I was 16, and have always discussed sex with her openly, especially the importance of responsibility. Now that she is 15 1/2 and boy-crazy, my job is getting harder and harder. Any advice?
Onhealth: Hormones are a tough competitor aren't they? I would trust that the talks you had with her are still with her. Continue to talk with her -- WITH her, not at her (kids tell me all the time that parents talk AT them) and tell her how much you love her. Every day. Good luck!
Question: I read a study that suggests that anal sex is a much greater risk than vaginal sex......why is this?
Onhealth: Anal intercourse is very risky because the skin of the rectum is very tender and can tear so readily, allowing the virus to enter the blood. This does not mean that vaginal intercourse without protection is safe -- if you are with some one with a sexually transmitted disease such as HIV.
Question: Can women gets Aids from another woman?
Onhealth: I have read several articles on transmission of HIV between women. Remember, its not who you are, it's your behavior. If you come into contact with body fluids that contain HIV, you can contract the virus.
Question: What is the best method for a man to protect himself from HIV or STDs?
Onhealth: The best way to protect yourself from HIV or STD's is to not have sexual intercourse. And, of course, not share a needle. The next safest way to protect yourself is the correct and consistent use of a latex condom.
Question: Isn't abstinence the last thing we should be focusing on because more than 50% of teens have sex before the 12th grade?
Onhealth: I think we need to address abstinence -- or postponing sexual activity for that very reason. If 50% of young people are having sexual intercourse, then we know 50% are not. We need to affirm their decision to not have sex. However, that does not mean that we should only talk about postponing sex. Public health experts say that a comprehensive message of abstinence and of the proper use of condoms is the most effective an the most truthful approach.
Question: I was tested in 1990 for HIV for insurance at that point I had been married 3 yrs. Is it possible that I could have been positive but it didn't show up yet?
Onhealth: That depends of how soon after your last unprotected sexual encounter you were tested. Sometimes, an HIV test shows negative for up to 6 months after exposure.
Question: How do you address the "invincible" attitude of most teens, and that nothing will happen to them?
Onhealth: That is the 64 thousand dollar question! In fact, in the book I wrote for young people, "Risky Times," the first chapter is DENIAL! I have found that the best way to reach young people with the reality of HIV, and other negative consequences of unprotected sexual intercourse, is to tell them or show them the stories of people who have experienced it and hope they feel it in their heart. Maybe then, they will think about it more! When I produced "In Our Own Words: Teens and AIDS" I definitely tried to do a couple of things: 1) I wanted young people who saw the video to get to know the five young people I profiled. Then, I let them hear about the worst part of living with HIV; there were some pretty poignant moments. Finally, I had the young people in the video remind their peers that through their decisions and actions they can control whether the contract HIV. Young people tell me that it is the first time they really believed they were vulnerable -- when they saw the video. I think we captured the emotion and the young people seeing the video felt it. But no one video does the trick--young people need to have the messages repeated over and over....
Question: What if you aren't sure if you have aids?
Onhealth: If you are not sure you have contracted HIV, I recommend what public health experts say: Get tested! Please consider getting tested an anonymous test site -- where counseling is available. Also--it won't show up on your medical records.
Question: My mom is a teaches 5th graders. They do not routinely tell teachers if a child is HIV+. Parents don't tell, either. I'm worried about all the runny noses, bloody noses, vomit, skinned knees, etc. Shouldn't parents be made to tell so that teachers can take precautions?
Onhealth: I understand your concern, however, someone in a class might be infected and because they have never been tested, no one knows. So we should assume that everyone is potentially infected and avoid direct contact with blood.
Question: What are the hazards of oral sex? Can HIV carried in semen be killed by the acids in our bodies if the semen should happen to be swallowed? Obviously we would still be affected however if there is blood contact.
Onhealth: You have answered your own question. If HIV, which is known to be in semen, gets into the blood stream of another person, infection can occur. It could get through a sore in your mouth or your lip. It is a risk I wouldn't feel comfortable taking.
Question: I'm not a parent, but I am concerned about the proliferation of AIDS and the nonchalant, fearless attitude many teens seem display. What can I do to help turn this around so we start seeing fewer new AIDS cases?
Onhealth: I would recommend talking with people about your concern -- talk with young people you know, talk with their parents. It is important to keep the topic on the front burner! People get sick of talking AIDS and meanwhile a recent report to the President said that every hour of every day two young people under the age of 20 become infected with HIV!
Question: I have a nine year old girl, could you give me a title of a book that we both could read together, plain and simple, about sex?
Onhealth: One good book about sex for younger children is "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie Harris. We already mentioned "Risky Times: How to be AIDS-Smart and Stay Healthy." Risky Times is available for $9 (that includes shipping and handling) from Media Works P.O. Box 15596 Kenmore Station, Boston, MA 02215. Risky Times includes a free Parents Guide.
Question: I am 16, but I think I have a pretty good hold on the truth of sex and sexually transmitted diseases. But my parents think I'm completely naive about the whole thing. How can I get them to give me respect and realize that I am a responsible teenager?
Onhealth: You can try to talk with your parents and give them examples of how you have proven yourself to be a responsible person. It is difficult for parents to trust their children -- sometimes it is just their fear. Try talking with them about that. Good Luck!
Question: What if you can't get them to talk, they don't believe it could happen to them? How do you get them to open up?
Onhealth: The older the child is, the more difficult it is...if your child won't talk with you I would do two things. I would keep talking to them--finding opportunities to give them information and remind them that you are doing it out of love. But also, I would try to enlist the help of another trusting adult -- an aunt, an uncle...someone you trust that your child might be more open with.
Question: I am an AIDS Educator- Is there any research that says having an HIV infected speaker talk to teens is more likely to prevent teens from having sex?
Onhealth: Young people tell me that a meeting a person with HIV is the absolute best way to diminish their own denial about HIV. If your school can bring in a person who is living with HIV (a young person in particular) it will reach some of the students. But remember, one visit, one assembly isn't going to make a life long impact.
Question: If young people have a sense of imortality, how will "other's" stories change the "it won't happen to me syndrome?" It doesn't work with substance abuse.
Onhealth: If the person who has HIV is someone they can identify with -- someone who likes the things they like -- did they things they did -- then there is a chance that they will identify with them ---and think about what it would be like if they were infected with HIV. For example -- consider the impact that Pedro Zamora from MTV's The Real World had on young people. They liked him-they related to him. Pedro is in the video, In Our Own Words:Teens and AIDS. In the video he talks about his dream of being a doctor, and how he was the captain of his track team. Young people see that popular kids can get HIV.
Online Host: Thank you for joining us tonight! We hope everyone here can help get the message across that by making healthy decisions, and acting on those decisions, kids can control whether or not they become pregnant or infected with HIV. We want to thank Jeanne Blake so very much for her time tonight and for the work that she does for the future of our children everyday. Goodnight!
